Telling the Kids

             We had planned to talk to the kids on Friday, but Thursday night the opportunity presented itself, so I took it.  We were waiting on the kids to all get in their pajamas, when Duke asked if he could have a snuggle with me in my bed.  Davis showed up right behind him so we laid down on my bed and started talking.  Immediately, one of them started talking about the baby.  We talked about names for him and if I’d felt him move lately, and I started to feel that it may be a good setting to discuss things with them.  Davis and Duke are the main ones who will “get it” so I thought this casual setting would be better than a big family counsel.  I got up quick to run my idea past Brock and he decided to entertain Gage and Trayson while I talked with the older two. 

                When I laid back down with them, I held them and they continued to talk about the baby.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me – “When a baby grows, there’s about a million things that all have to go exactly right.  Growing a baby is an amazing miracle and usually, all those millions of things do go right and we have a perfectly normal baby that arrives when he’s supposed to.  For some reason the doctors don’t quite understand, our baby isn’t growing like he needs to.  We don’t know exactly what that means, but we do know that there may be some time in the future when Mommy has to be in the hospital or after the baby’s born, he may need to be in the hospital for a while and we wanted you guys to know so you would understand why these things may start happening.  What questions do you guys have for me now?”

(While I shared this with them, they both sat perfectly still and you could feel their concern, despite my efforts to stay fairly positive and neutral).

After a long pause,

Duke – “Mommy, are you going to die?”

Me – “No sweetheart, what’s happening to the baby is not going to make me die.”

Long pause.

Davis – “Is the baby going to die?”

Me – “Well, we don’t know exactly what is going to happen to the baby, but it is a possibility that that might happen.”

                Gradually they both quietly started crying.  My sister lost a baby at 32 weeks so this is not a new concept to them.  They know they have a cousin in heaven that they will see someday and we talk about baby Zach fairly often.  I told them I knew that no matter what happens Heavenly Father loves us, them, and this baby and He will do whatever is best for all of us.  We talked about how this brother will always be their brother no matter what.  He will either grow up with them here on earth, or he will return to Heavenly Father and hang out with Zach.  No matter what happens though, we will be OK and Heavenly Father will take care of us. 

                They are very spiritually mature kids and while they were sad to hear these things, they are also very receptive to spiritual teachings.  I told them that they were allowed to feel whatever they wanted to feel at any given moment.  If they wanted to not think about it and just have a fun summer, they were allowed to do that.  If they wanted to cry and talk a lot about it each day, they were allowed to do that too.  We also talked though about how we don’t need to worry about things we don’t know and when we get scared we can pray for comfort and they can always talk to me or their dad.  It was a sweet but hard conversation and I hated having to break their hearts.  By the time they went to bed they seemed OK, but I do worry about them as this progresses.  I know ultimately they’ll be fine, but they are so sweet, loving, and sensitive that I know it will be hard for them.

                The sweetest thing happened the next morning though.  I asked Davis if she had a hard time sleeping that night after everything we had discussed.  She said at first it was very hard to sleep because she was so afraid and worried for the baby.  Then she got up and put one of her church Especially For Youth CDs on to listen to.  She told me that the songs talked about having faith and trusting God, so that helped her calm down and she was able to sleep well.  Again, so many tender mercies to help us along our way!