Yesterday morning Brock and I headed to the NICU to spend some more time with Flint. At this point, the only time we’d really been with him was when he held our fingers the night before. The NICU is closed every day from 6:30-8:00 a.m. and p.m. while they do a shift change. We showed up right at 8 to see him but were told he was in the middle of lab-work so we’d have to come back later. About an hour later, they told us we could go in but couldn’t touch him for a while. He was still pretty upset by all the tests they’d run on him that morning and he just needed to be able to settle in and rest. His platelet levels were a little too high and he was pretty dehydrated, so they didn’t want him eating any actual food yet until they could get him more stabilized. They had also done another MRI on his brain, which confirmed the findings from the MRI in Dallas. We were relieved to know that at this point, we’re not looking at any additional problems, other than the original Dandy Walker prognosis. The neurosurgeon here confirmed that yes, a shunt will be needed, but when exactly it needs to happen is still up in the air. The will continue to measure the amount of swelling in his brain and make sure he’s doing well before they determine exactly when that procedure will occur. In the meantime though, his doctor told us Flint is doing really well, especially for a preemie. Good boy, Flint!
Since he was pretty worked up from his morning, we decided to go back to the room until the next “touch time” (at 8, 12, and 4). Meanwhile, my parents were home with the kids, getting them ready to come up for a visit. Since we are heading into RSV season, they are not allowed in the NICU at all while Flint’s here, but at this point they hadn’t even seen me since Flint was born. My parents explained to the kids that they were going to go out to eat for breakfast and then they’d come visit me in the hospital. When they told Duke this, his response was “Can’t I go see my mom first and then go out to eat?” You have to know that my Duke LOVES breakfast. He especially LOVES breakfast when he gets to eat at a restaurant, so the fact that he wanted to see me first says a lot about how he was doing.
They showed up here around 10, and we had a good time loving on them and talking them through everything that had been going on. They were doing well, but you could tell they wanted their mommy and they wanted their little brother. They are very sweet kids and I am excited for them to get to meet Flint in the months ahead!
We spent the rest of Saturday resting, and finally by the 4:00 touch time, Flint had relaxed enough that I could touch him. I felt bad because by this point, Brock was home with the kids, so he missed his chance with Flint yesterday. I did get to change his diaper and take his temperature, and was SO excited to FINALLY get to do something for Flint that made me feel like his mom. It’s amazing what bonding occurs just from going through labor and then holding your new baby. By this point, I hadn’t been able to do any of those things, so it was still very surreal for me. Being able to actually interact with him though was wonderful and helped reconfirm to me that he is, indeed my child!
I spent last night by myself here at the hospital so Brock and everyone else could be home and ready for church today. At 8:00 this morning, I went to the NICU to see Flint and drop off the little breast milk I was making. I was met at the door by the nurse who said “I’m glad you brought that this morning, because we’re going to feed him today. Do you want to hold him when the time comes?” AHHHHHHH!!!!! MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!! She told me that once he’s eating real food, they change his eating times to 8, 11, 2, and 5 so I should come back at 10:45 to get washed up and hold him while he ate. At this point, the milk is put in a little medicine syringe and then it just goes into a tube that goes into his mouth and to his stomach. He’s still not really EATING, but it’s an all-important first step! I really couldn’t believe we were already at that point and thought this would come much later down the road, so I was thrilled to hear that I was finally going to be able to hold him! When I returned at 10:45, Flint was laying in his little isolette, with his eyes wide open! This was the first time I’d seen his eyes and I just cried and cried when I saw him! They got him all situated and wrapped up warm, had me sit in a rocking chair, and then they laid him in my arms. He was kind of fussy by this point because of all the jostling he had just gone through, but as soon as I got him I told him “Only one of us gets to cry at a time, and now it’s my turn!” I snuggled against him, he stopped crying, and just stared me down with his eyes. There is a possibility of vision problems that comes with Flint’s diagnosis, and at this age, I don’t know how much a preemie could see anyway, but it sure felt like Flint was reading my soul! I just sat there and talked to him and sang to him while I held the syringe and milk slowly dripped into his mouth. I cried and cried, but they were such happy tears! My little boy was finally here, and I was finally able to touch him and feel like I was doing something to help him. The spirit is so incredibly strong in that little cubicle! I’ve said before, and many of you have mentioned in your comments, that there are angels all around him right now. I have no doubt that that is true! I know there are many family members who have gone on before me who are surrounding Flint, loving, and comforting him while he is going through this, and their presence is very strong when I am there!
I held him and kissed on him for about an hour, and he slowly fell asleep. Finally the nurse came and told me it was time to lay him back down but that I could hold him once a day. I can still touch him at the other times, but for now we only get one holding a day, so as to not over-stimulate him too much.
I’ve spent the rest of the day updating this and trying to get some rest. I’m feeling pretty good, though I’m still too worked up to sleep very well so I’ve got a pretty massive exhaustion headache. I’m very happy with how things are going though and know we are incredibly blessed right now! My family is on their way up to the hospital now, so it will be good to have some family time togethertonight. It looks like I’ll probably be released from the hospital tomorrow, and then we’ll begin figuring out how to do the whole NICU/ family experience for the next several weeks. Life is good though, and again, we cannot overstate how much we’ve appreciated everyone’s love and support. It is such a blessing to not have to walk this path alone!
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